The chronification of the patriarchal falsehood – part 1/2: In the heteronormative mainstream, alias: Why do women fancy assholes?
In the heteronormative mainstream, many men are of the opinion that most women would fancy assholes. Unfortunately, they are correct; and the reason is the patriarchal falsehood of the role “woman”.
The patriarchal falsehood claims:
- Women do not want sex, only love.
- Men do not want love, only sex.
When the two social roles meet, there is a man who directly addresses his desire for sex to a woman – and a woman who angrily rejects, as sex should only happen at a romantic level – and that is not part of the package. That sets the following chain reaction into motion: Any initially honest communication between the sexes is cut off. In its place communication fills up with powergames, secondary motivations and mutual manipulation attempts – by both men and women.
In order to satisfy their wishes for sex, most men in this situation, when they have understood the dynamics of these interactions, intentionally start to deceive women by mimicking a romantic interest in order to arrive at a sexual encounter. Thereby he procures an advantage among all prospective men at the sexual level: Now his manipulation one-ups all men who honestly communicate their interest in a purely sexual level, since the desired woman will only respond sexually to those men who (seem to!) offer her the romantic level. Since the social role “man”, due to its suppression of the romantic level, mutes the ability to show empathy and respect towards other human beings, the deceptive trick to exhibit an artificial romantic level comes more easily to men who do not question the patriarchal construct of the social role “man” and thus their part of the patriarchal falsehood. Because, the less strong authentic impulses of their own romantic level disturb their deceptive display, the better for its success.
Since women repress their own sexual impulses, while men act them out, from the point of view of a woman the male world looks like an endless queue of sexual interessents: It seems that whenever one of them is told off, the next prospects are already waiting. This can easily be seen in any online forum, where women are firmly bombarded by messages from men, while they themselves hardly ever take the initiative to actively write to men. If women would not suppress their sexual desires, but admit them and, as a consequence, show initiative at the erotic level themselves, the number and frequency of interessents would be approximately the same for all sexes.
Any man who has learnt how to invest all his energy into the deceptive display of an artificial romantic level in order to arrive at sexual encounters therefore stands out from this almost endless queue of interessents. The trick is to fake the romantic level so perfectly that, compared with interessents who authentically show their whole personality with all of its attendant flaws, only an artificial person can be seen instead, apparently without any flaws and marketing himself to be “Prince Charming”. And that is precisely the definition of an asshole. Interestingly, the mask of such a “Prince Charming” is not a carefully enacted new personality, it is even the complete absence of one – basically an empty canvas, on which a woman projects and then mistakenly believes to see the possible fulfilment of the desires she craves most: An empathic, respectful man who will fulfill her romantic desire, and, simultanously, a wild, interesting man who will seduce and satisfy her – “At last, a truly interesting man!”
Against the artificial personality of “Prince Charming” not only honest interessents at the sexual level, even honest men interested in an actual romantic relationship compare unfavourably, at least at first view, because they exhibit, like all real people, all kinds of flaws, while “Prince Charming” has worked on his talent as an actor to show a slick and polished surface without blemish. That dynamic creates the impression that women would fancy and even favor assholes, sexually and even amorously: These are much “better” at getting into sexual encounters and even romantic relationships with women than men who communicate honestly.
Now the chain reaction accelerates exponentially: As more and more men who understand this dynamic resignate and assume that only assholes have success with women, many of them learn to behave like assholes in order to cheat their way into sexual encounters.
Why do I call people in the social role “man” who exhibit such behaviour “an asshole”? That is because we will always find one, behind the slick and polished mask of “Prince Charming”. Beneath the mask there is a man who has been so frustrated by the constant refusal of his honest attempts at communication at the sexual or the romantic level, that he now tries to realise his sexual wishes with a due portion of misogyny and a deeply-felt “give it up already, you slut”. When the asshole dons his “Prince Charming”- mask, we see a man who seems to promise romantic and sexual fulfilment. In reality, however, he is simply faking the exact words and activities which the addressed woman wanted to hear. After consenting to a sexual act by the woman who has been the target of this whole ruse, she will not get what she wanted of course. She does not even get an inkling of fulfilment at the romantic level (which was, from the beginning onwards, never included). In addition, there will usually also be no fulfilment at the sexual level – because no asshole cares to give anything meaningful to a targeted woman, or to waste a lot of empathy on her erotic satisfaction. The asshole actually despises the seduced woman – representative for all women who rejected or did not even notice him in former interactions, when he still attempted honest communication – because an (other) asshole outshone him. People in the social role “woman”, who fall for these asshole tactics of people in the social role “man”, assemble lots of negative emotional and sexual experiences – and suppress their own sexual wishes even more afterwards, since their realisation always ends badly. That drives off further men who are attempting to communicate honestly, who become the next assholes, who manipulate further women, etc. etc.
And thus we have arrived at the emergence of Rape Culture.